Wednesday, July 16, 2008

All-Star Underpants (or, the Commissioner's New Underpants)

So many memories from the All-Star festivities at Yankee Stadium this week: Chase Utley cursing the New York crowd... Billy Wagner blowing a late lead, including giving up an uncontested steal of second base (which is not easy for a left-handed pitcher)... George Steinbrenner getting a true totalitarian strongman's entrance, complete with nighttime sunglasses, weeping, man kisses, and, we can only hope, a diaper. Truly an event to remember. And thanks again to Bud Selig for making the All-Star Game "matter" again. I think they should play 15 innings every year! If we can't ruin the arm of every decent pitcher in both leagues in a single night, then the terrorists have already won.

Special mention, however, must go to the Home Run Derby. In the midst of all this newfound All-Star making-sense and mattering, the Home Run Derby stands as a bulwark of arbitrariness and rulebook caprice. So, Josh Hamilton sets a new record by hitting like 80 home runs, overcoming his drug-addiction demons once and for all on the grandest possible stage, and he... loses 5-3 to Justin Morneau? WTF? Justin Morneau couldn't carry Josh Hamilton's bent spoon and zippo! What exactly is the purpose of the multiple rounds, anyway? Forgive me, but it seems like the Home Run Derby is a pretty fucking simple concept. This is ripe for commissorial intervention.

Also, Dan Uggla: does that guy suck or what?

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