World Series thoughts

Thanks, Dork 1, for the World Series congratulations. It was no 86-year drought, it's true, but then again there was never any "curse" lore to hang the losing on; they always just sucked. And yes, my fullest pity now shifts to Dork 3, stuck with the most unfortunate Nats/Skins/Caps/Wiz foursome. Maybe you should think about jumping on board with your new hometown teams?

I will leave aside the obvious rants about what's wrong with the MLB postseason (off days, late starts, Fox, etc.), and just single out a few issues:

--Ratings: Many a pixel was blackened over the past two weeks with talk of the abysmal TV ratings for the Phils-Rays series. My take on this? FUCK ALL OF YOU, I HATE YOU. If you care about baseball at all, then you'll watch the World Series no matter who is playing. If you can only get it up to watch the Sox/Yanks/Cubs/Dodgers, then you should probably (a) go back to downloading porn of Ben Affleck/Billy Crystal/John Cusack/Penny Marshall, respectively, directly, or (b) check out NASCAR.

--Weather: Much has been made of the rain-induced two-day suspension of game 5. Setting aside the correct but boring conclusions (viz., that (a) Bud Selig is an idiot and (b) shit happens), some have pounced on this random two-day weather event in this particular city at this particular time as clear evidence that baseball must move the World Series to a neutral site. Even Buster Olney, someone who I didn't previously think of as a total jackass, has now endorsed this. My only question for Buster et al. is why stop there? Seven games is a lot. Why not, at your neutral site, have the World Series decided by a best-of-three? Or a single game? Or a single inning would be even better! You could line up a great undercard and sell a shitload of ads. I mean, who wouldn't watch that inning? I'd sit through 75 repeats of CGI-ed Craig T. Nelson and Christie Brinkley for that shit! I mean, I did already, right? Asshole.

--Announcers: It is my fervent hope that, when the next World Series rolls around, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver find themselves at a neutral site (or maybe an undisclosed location). One example to illustrate what makes McCarver so fucking intolerable: In post-delay game 5, the Rays found themselves in a somewhat tricky strategic position: they wanted to bring Our Lord and Savior David Price into the game right away, but were hesitant to do so because the pitcher's spot was due up fourth in the seventh inning (their first chance to bat upon resumption). Dem's de breaks when you play in an NL park, I'm afraid. McCarver's assessment? "It's almost as if the Rays are being penalized." Then again, I guess I shouldn't expect much from the man who once speculated that a leadoff walk is more likely to result in a multi-run inning than a leadoff home run is. The real question is, what ever happened to Al Leiter? Do you remember when he was in the booth for the postseason like five years ago and was brilliant?

Okay, rant over. I leave you simply with Chase Utley's summation of the Phillies' season, broadcast live and unedited on local TV and radio: "World Fucking Champions!"